Lydia Bennet's Online Diary.
At this time of the year I always read Pride and Prejudice and I thought it would be fun to see what Lydia is thinking about all the goings on at Longbourn. Lydia's online diary starts just before Mr Bingley arrives and finishes where my novel, Lydia Bennet's Story, begins.
Sunday, December 27th, 1801
I have been a fool, completely taken in, and for that I will find it hard to forgive Captain Carter if I ever will. How dare he do that to me! How dare he make me believe that he had singled me out alone.
I spent the rest of the evening avoiding the ‘happy couple’ and refused to dance when petitioned by Captain Carter, telling him that I was engaged for every one, otherwise I would have been only delighted. I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that I am grieved, confused and wounded to my very soul.
George Wickham was most consoling - he is a true gentleman and one of the most handsome men I have ever set eyes on!
My spirits are very low and despite my efforts to banish all thoughts of Captain Carter from my mind, I find he keeps popping into my head. I have told Kitty all my troubles and yet she does not understand how grieved I am to hear her sing, ‘A Soldier’s Adieu’. She has no compassion for my feelings and talks and laughs all day long. Mama keeps asking me if I am well and insists that I eat, even though every morsel feels like a lump of stone in my throat. I must try to get the better of my feelings before my aunt quizzes me. She has been regarding me all afternoon with a shrewd expression.
Thankfully, we are to have a quiet evening tonight with just a few of the officers. Captain Carter has declined his invitation and I know that Isabella and Diana are returning home to their families tomorrow. I will miss Isabella so much, I do think she is beginning to consider me as a good friend and her going away just now is especially hard as I cannot even tell her all my sorrows.
Monday, December 28th, 1801
Last night passed off tolerably well and Aunt Gardiner appeared to warm to Mr Wickham, especially when he brought up the subject of Derbyshire again and the area around Bakewell and Pemberley, where they both spent their childhood. Dear Wickham kept her entertained with tales of old friends and places, although he admitted it was five years since he had been in that part of the country. Lizzy continues to keep him constant company but he was allowed five minutes to talk to me and he was most considerate in his enquiries.
I have managed to escape my aunt’s attentions but Lizzy has not fared so well, as they have been closeted together for half the morning. I could not hear much through the door but gathered that Lizzy is being cautioned against falling in love with George Wickham and my aunt told her to be on her guard but I could not hear why.
Jane is to go to London with my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. It is so unfair; she has all the luck! I suppose she hopes to bump into Mr Bingley and make him fall in love with her all over again. She will see all the latest fashions, the sights and the shops, whilst Kitty and I will be left here, with no society and little to do once twelfth night is over.
Mr Collins is back again but fortunately for us all, he has decided to reside at Lucas Lodge. Poor Charlotte!
Illustrations by Kate Greenaway